Shocked
Today was a shocking day. We got a phone call this morning from my surgeon who did my procedure on Monday. She asked if now was a good time to go over my results and I just knew. She said "I'm sorry but they found a microscopic trace of cancer in your lymph nodes". I was shocked. And sad. And angry and about a million other emotions. And because of this, things change. No one saw this coming, they didn't expect it. I didn't expect it. I just thought we were doing it to "make sure" but truly there wasn't going to be anything, but that isn't the case. We talked for a few more moments but I really couldn't comprehend all that needed to be asked or talked about. I just got off the phone and cried. This wasn't the plan. This wasn't what I've been working up toward. This changes the plans.
After I was able to pull myself together, we have been waiting for phone calls to find out what the next step is. There is still unanswered questions, phone calls that hopefully will come through soon and new decisions to make. This is what I know. I have to have radiation, before reconstruction can happen, that changes surgery on the 4th. Radiation will probably start 3 weeks after surgery so I can heal, and then I'll need 5 weeks of radiation. What is happening in the surgery, not sure. I think it will be the mastectomy still with some kind of start to reconstruction. That is probably still happening on the 4th of March. And then the road of this journey continues, way longer than I thought. I have to heal, then do radiation, with more tests possibly, then another surgery, then.... I just really don't know. My oncologist who I love said, "in a year, this will all be behind you. Nothing we have said today changes my thoughts about your cure." They want to give me the best possible outcome for the rest of my life. This bump is just that a bump. Even if it feels like a huge bump and rocked my world a little more than I was prepared for.
So today we pray, we trust and we walk by faith. We lean on God and not on our own understanding. My sister in law sent this picture to me today and I am sharing because it's the verse we are repeating to ourselves as we process and move forward.
Thanks for continuing to pray with us! Love you!
After I was able to pull myself together, we have been waiting for phone calls to find out what the next step is. There is still unanswered questions, phone calls that hopefully will come through soon and new decisions to make. This is what I know. I have to have radiation, before reconstruction can happen, that changes surgery on the 4th. Radiation will probably start 3 weeks after surgery so I can heal, and then I'll need 5 weeks of radiation. What is happening in the surgery, not sure. I think it will be the mastectomy still with some kind of start to reconstruction. That is probably still happening on the 4th of March. And then the road of this journey continues, way longer than I thought. I have to heal, then do radiation, with more tests possibly, then another surgery, then.... I just really don't know. My oncologist who I love said, "in a year, this will all be behind you. Nothing we have said today changes my thoughts about your cure." They want to give me the best possible outcome for the rest of my life. This bump is just that a bump. Even if it feels like a huge bump and rocked my world a little more than I was prepared for.
So today we pray, we trust and we walk by faith. We lean on God and not on our own understanding. My sister in law sent this picture to me today and I am sharing because it's the verse we are repeating to ourselves as we process and move forward.
Thanks for continuing to pray with us! Love you!
