Radiation - Full Week 1
We are starting the first full week of radiation. I went three times last week. The first was just a trial run to get everything set up. Then I had "treatment" twice last week. Treatment is what they call it, but that word for some reason makes me think of the spa and this isn't the spa. It was nice to have the weekend off. And my birthday was last Friday. I was able to have a great birthday, went to radiation in the morning and then spent the day with my family. I had my favorite food for dinner - smoked brisket! It was amazing!
Radiation is going pretty well. I have anxiety still when I go but I'm spending time in prayer and doing some deep breathing. And luckily J has been driving me so I don't have to come out to an empty vehicle and drive home afterwards. I'm getting in the routine of what is to be expected and that is helping a little bit. One of the biggest challenges is I have to hold my breath for 10-15 seconds during the actual "treatment", you wouldn't think that would be too hard. But for some reason it's the longest span of time when you are laying there. I've learned I can't count, that makes it worse. So, I sing a song or repeat a verse in my head. It is helping. Sometimes it's a word - it is just "Jesus" but I've found peace when I call out His name.
I'm still emotional, crying almost daily but they aren't really sad tears just emotions that have to find a way out of my heart. I find myself full of emotions for so many reasons...
A couple of big ones:
Everything is different, and for someone who doesn't love change (see some of my earlier posts), this world is full of change right now. And it's daily. It's emotional.
Normal isn't really a thing anymore. And I have no idea when it might be "normal" again.
Fear is real. Going into the hospital daily is scary when you just don't know what you could come across. Every cough, sneeze, runny nose I have is scary. And it's allergy season. I'm allergic to grass. I know this, I've been tested. So, I can either fear I'm sick or realize I know what this is and be rational. Conquering fear is even more real but it's emotional.
My first born is graduating. She is done with high school. This is suppose to be our time to celebrate. And everything is on hold or different. I'm having conversation that I just wish I didn't have to have. It's emotional.
Those are a couple of big emotions that are floating around in my heart, but I know I'm not alone. Jesus is walking with us through this journey. He knows my heart and He carries me when I'm overwhelmed and gives me comfort when I need it. He has brought amazing people into my life to remind me of these things and I'm so thankful for His peace in the storms.
Thanks for walking with us through this journey! Hope this finds you well. Love you!
Radiation is going pretty well. I have anxiety still when I go but I'm spending time in prayer and doing some deep breathing. And luckily J has been driving me so I don't have to come out to an empty vehicle and drive home afterwards. I'm getting in the routine of what is to be expected and that is helping a little bit. One of the biggest challenges is I have to hold my breath for 10-15 seconds during the actual "treatment", you wouldn't think that would be too hard. But for some reason it's the longest span of time when you are laying there. I've learned I can't count, that makes it worse. So, I sing a song or repeat a verse in my head. It is helping. Sometimes it's a word - it is just "Jesus" but I've found peace when I call out His name.
I'm still emotional, crying almost daily but they aren't really sad tears just emotions that have to find a way out of my heart. I find myself full of emotions for so many reasons...
A couple of big ones:
Everything is different, and for someone who doesn't love change (see some of my earlier posts), this world is full of change right now. And it's daily. It's emotional.
Normal isn't really a thing anymore. And I have no idea when it might be "normal" again.
Fear is real. Going into the hospital daily is scary when you just don't know what you could come across. Every cough, sneeze, runny nose I have is scary. And it's allergy season. I'm allergic to grass. I know this, I've been tested. So, I can either fear I'm sick or realize I know what this is and be rational. Conquering fear is even more real but it's emotional.
My first born is graduating. She is done with high school. This is suppose to be our time to celebrate. And everything is on hold or different. I'm having conversation that I just wish I didn't have to have. It's emotional.
Those are a couple of big emotions that are floating around in my heart, but I know I'm not alone. Jesus is walking with us through this journey. He knows my heart and He carries me when I'm overwhelmed and gives me comfort when I need it. He has brought amazing people into my life to remind me of these things and I'm so thankful for His peace in the storms.
Thanks for walking with us through this journey! Hope this finds you well. Love you!
