Radiation
Yesterday we had an appointment with my oncologist, well actually it was with the PA in regards to the new antibody we will start next week when it’s time for my infusions again. Since we still hadn’t heard anything about radiation we asked for their recommendation. My oncologist came in and explained the board is recommending radiation still based on the type, size and overall details of my cancer and case. I tried really hard to not get my hopes up in regards to what their recommendation would be, I had already grieved about this once, and I prayed that however it came back I’d be fine with. Well, those were some big lies. I was sad yesterday. I really had hoped it wouldn’t come back that I’d need this treatment. I wanted to skip it. I didn’t want to have to go everyday for 5 weeks. I didn’t want to have to do deal with more possible side effects. But this is going to be part of my story. I have an appointment next week with the radiation oncologist on Good Friday. And then this phase will start. I guess we will call this Phase 3.
I’ll tell you I’m struggling. I’ll also tell you I’m fighting to be ok. And I know that we will get through this. All of this. And we have a future that is bright. As the days are hard and at times full of so much unknown, I continually try to find things that are positive. I am reading my bible more and I even have a coloring book bible that I’m spending time coloring in, it’s relaxing and I love it. I’ve been reading again. I’ve been continuing with my kids. I’m fighting to be ok and it’s really not that hard most of the time.
I think it’s important to continue to look for positive things but I also think it’s important to take the time to grieve for lost things during this time. Grieving is important, but it’s also important to remember not to let grief set up camp and live for too long in your thoughts. This is something I’m telling myself daily and I’m telling my kids. We have lots we have been grieving for over here but even in the mist of tears we see things that lift our spirits. We are so blessed in so many areas and those I want to camp in and let live in my thoughts.
Thanks as always for following our journey and for praying for us! We appreciate you and know that we are praying for you and yours during this time as well. It’s hard to stay home and have feel locked up or grounded. It’s hard to not be able to do the things you are used to doing. But we will get through this!! And we’ll be stronger!
Update: After I posted this - our church had a Live Facebook Worship time, I've come to treasure these Thursday night times. They are awesome for my spirit. Tonight as we sat around the table singing and praising God, there was such a peace in my spirit. They started with my favorite song - "Yes, I will". And then they sung. Father of Peace, which they wrote awhile ago but what a timely song! "When all I feel is pain, you are my strength." "When I feel overcome, you are my refuge." "I will trust in your unfailing love!" "I'll rejoice because you are good!" I'm so thankful for our worship leader and the blessing my church family is during this time!!!
I’ll tell you I’m struggling. I’ll also tell you I’m fighting to be ok. And I know that we will get through this. All of this. And we have a future that is bright. As the days are hard and at times full of so much unknown, I continually try to find things that are positive. I am reading my bible more and I even have a coloring book bible that I’m spending time coloring in, it’s relaxing and I love it. I’ve been reading again. I’ve been continuing with my kids. I’m fighting to be ok and it’s really not that hard most of the time.
I think it’s important to continue to look for positive things but I also think it’s important to take the time to grieve for lost things during this time. Grieving is important, but it’s also important to remember not to let grief set up camp and live for too long in your thoughts. This is something I’m telling myself daily and I’m telling my kids. We have lots we have been grieving for over here but even in the mist of tears we see things that lift our spirits. We are so blessed in so many areas and those I want to camp in and let live in my thoughts.
Thanks as always for following our journey and for praying for us! We appreciate you and know that we are praying for you and yours during this time as well. It’s hard to stay home and have feel locked up or grounded. It’s hard to not be able to do the things you are used to doing. But we will get through this!! And we’ll be stronger!
Update: After I posted this - our church had a Live Facebook Worship time, I've come to treasure these Thursday night times. They are awesome for my spirit. Tonight as we sat around the table singing and praising God, there was such a peace in my spirit. They started with my favorite song - "Yes, I will". And then they sung. Father of Peace, which they wrote awhile ago but what a timely song! "When all I feel is pain, you are my strength." "When I feel overcome, you are my refuge." "I will trust in your unfailing love!" "I'll rejoice because you are good!" I'm so thankful for our worship leader and the blessing my church family is during this time!!!
