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In the ever changing world of Covid, where restrictions and harsh warnings come everyday, they continue for us all. We live in a scary world, it's difficult to tell the difference between what is real and what is scare tactics. I know this virus is real. I know it's scary for some. I know that it's not something I'd wish on anyone. I don't want anyone to be sick with anything. It's hard to watch loved ones hurt. My heart goes out for the health care workers who are on the front lines and have to make decisions every single day for their safety and their patience's. It's a tough world.
We went into the doctor on Friday for my pre-op appointment, and my NP had to tell us that the chances of my surgery happening on the 2nd is slim. The hospitals have already been cancelling surgeries - all surgeries. Before that they were able to get a few in but only if they could go home that day. There is a shortage of hospital beds, and because I have to stay 3-5 days that makes my surgery cancellable. Then there is a storage of OR staff because they are moving them to different areas to cover the floors. My heart hurts as I have prepared and planned for this surgery for months now. My surgery IS cancellable and I want the people who need the rooms to be able to have them. But, this is my life and I'm tired of having to change all my plans. I found myself just sad on Friday, walking around going between it's ok and it's really not ok. I have to continue to prepare like it could happen. I have to have a Covid test because it's required now. I have to hold on to the little bit of hope that it's a possibility but in my mind and heart I know it's not. My mind doesn't work well like this.
What happens next, we wait. We wait until the world settles down. The hospitals give the surgeons the ok that they can schedule. And we just see when that could be for me. January, February, maybe?? April or May, possible. Hopefully not the summer they say. They are booked for 5 months, luckily I don't go to the end of the line. Their practice has to shift 5 months worth of patience's waiting for a surgery. My heart hurts for the doctors and staff and for us the patience's who aren't deemed important during this pandemic.
It's a tough world. I keep holding on to the fact that I know God has a plan. God knows the perfect timing. He hasn't left me. On the drive home Friday as I sat there sad. The song that has held me high at some of my lowest moments comes on the radio. "Yes, I will." and the one line that always sticks out to me is "The same God who's never late, is working all things out." Even in my low valleys, He is there. His heart hurts with mine. But He isn't late, He is working this out just like every other step of this journey. It's not easy. It's not painless. But it's purposeful.
Yesterday at church, God again gave me reminders of His plan. We sang "I'm going to see a victory". I know in my heart that we are going to see a victory and this journey does end. It ends with me cancer free and moving forward in victory! No matter the times that has to take.
Right before I was diagnosed I went back to work. I'm the administrative assistant for our Lead Pastor at our church. Everything about my job has been a blessing to me during this season. I am so thankful for the opportunity to work at Highpoint and under our pastor. He is a powerful communicator and anointed man of God. One of his points yesterday was, "Pain cannot strip you of your purpose, but your purpose can sustain you in your pain." I have felt this many times during this journey. It's been painful, but God has a purpose for me. His purpose is bigger than any of my pain, rather it is physical or emotional. If you'd like to check out our service yesterday - you can click here. It was powerful!
I know this is a long update. There is so much on my heart. If you pray/think of us, please continue to pray for strength to get through this time. Emotional stability to handle the ups and downs that come with changes on the fly (I don't do those well - especially when it's big stuff like this). I'm trying to live my dad's motto of a "Firm, flexible policy." And pray for us to stay on top of our day to day responsibilities. The kids still have school (I'm still a homeschooling mommy too), we still have work, and the house still has needs - darn laundry and dishes. Thank you for walking with us during this journey! And thank you to those that reached out the other day! It was great to hear from you! We love you all and are so thankful for your friendship and love!
We wish you a Happy Thanksgiving! May it be full of love, good health and laughter!
